I Had You On A Pedestal
by NeonSquirrel
Summary: There was just something about Gibbs that made you want to put that man on a pedestal. But honestly, he didn't belong up there. No one, deserved to be so high above them that they appeared to be all-powerful. But he was up there anyway, until he jumped off. He wasn't pushed, he just up and jumped. So why can't Tony fit back in like before? Post Hiatus
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Summary: There was just something about Gibbs that made you want to put that man on a pedestal. But honestly, he didn't belong up there. No one, deserved to be so high above them that they appeared to be all-powerful. But he was up there anyway, until he jumped off. He wasn't pushed, he just up and jumped. So why can't Tony fit back in like before? Post Hiatus**

**I Had You On A Pedestal**

It was a wonderful day. Not weather wise, but as far as mentality went it was great. So as Anthony DiNozzo was standing out over a bridge, ignoring the looming storm and ominous clouds that were gathering, he felt a small piece of understanding settle in his soul. He ignored everything that was going on around him, and just stared out over the water and leaned casually against the finally understood.

There had been a certain question that had been plaguing him since Gibbs returned, and he finally figured out what it was and found his answer.

You see, Gibbs' entire return was horribly wrong and back stabbing, but Tony had tried to move on. And he had exceeded quite well. He knew why Gibbs had left, he understood his need to get away and was happy to keep his seat warm while he was gone. But the way he came back destroyed him. None the less, he had been forcing himself to deal with it and just live and let live and was doing everything he could to forgive him and move on.

The one thing he couldn't understand though, was why things weren't the same as they used to be. Sure there was that thing –aka mustache– that was sitting on top of Gibbs' lip, but that wasn't it. There was something else going on that was stopping him from molding back into his place on Team Gibbs.

It hadn't been that obvious, until _that _day. Said day, consisted of Gibbs screaming at him that he needed to follow his orders and his teammates mocking him more than usual. But something good came out of that day, he looked around. Like truly, looked around and took in everything that was going on around him. And what he saw, made his heart sink. His teammates weren't who they were while Gibbs was gone.

Sure in the beginning they had been terrible, insubordinate agents who were doing whatever they could to tear him down, but they had changed towards the end. Tim had stepped up and put himself out there, no more was the stuttering probie who almost wet himself when Gibbs glared at him. He was becoming his own man, and Tony couldn't help the pride that filled him to see Tim grow like that. Ziva had opened up and become less closed off around them, even going so far as to suggesting her ideas even though they might be wrong. And Tony was happy that she trusted them enough to let them see the real her.

But when he looked around now, those people were gone. Tim was back to his probie ways and Ziva was more closed off than ever. And it hurt Tony, more than he could understand and more than he wanted to.

And then he saw the way they looked at Gibbs. Like Gibbs was someone better than them, not by agent status but by human status. Like he was some kind of god or hero. Now don't get him wrong, Gibbs was certainly a hero and he knew that and believed it with every fiber in his being. But there was only one God, and it certainly wasn't Gibbs.

Then came the realization that he had been just like Tim and Ziva. Or getting closer to that at least. Before Gibbs had left, Tony had been starting to look at Gibbs that way. He was taking the more than frequent head slaps and the barbed comments that hurt more than it was funny. He had started to follow blindly, and he didn't do that with anyone. Not even Gibbs.

He could understand needing to in the field, and he knew how critical it was to not second guess your commanding officer when it really counted. But he couldn't just be expected to do whatever anyone said whenever they said it. He just wasn't wired that way.

He wasn't exactly sure when it started, but Gibbs had started to seem less human after Kate's death. That was still a touchy subject for everyone, but it felt like it hit him the hardest. So to see Gibbs, still pushing on like nothing had ever happened, it warped his viewing of the man. Not by much, but it was still just enough.

And when he realized this, he realized the problem. He couldn't follow blindly, never had, never would. The problem was that he couldn't follow Gibbs like the man wanted him to.

Gibbs wanted to be in complete control of the team, to prove that he was the leader, and no one else could do his job. That he was the alpha male, and Tony was his loyal lackey who did whatever he said. The man who when Gibbs said jump, would start jumping and go as high as he possibly could, push his limits to the extreme and not stop until Gibbs told him to. The man who would do absolutely anything to get at least one word of praise from his boss.

But he wasn't that man anymore. That man had died months ago, and he wasn't going to come back just because Gibbs wanted him to. And that was the answer. He was never going to be able to fit back in like everyone wanted, he _could not_ and _would not_ be the old Tony again. And that was why he didn't fit in. Why he felt like he no longer belonged anywhere and no longer had a place to call home and a group of people to call his friends, his family.

And while all those thoughts were morbid and depressing, it was the truth and he finally saw it. He was a trained investigator, he was paid to figure out confusing puzzles and to see the truth, even when others didn't want to. And that was exactly what he was doing now.

So with those final thoughts, he started to walk home, comforted in the knowledge that he finally understood the problem, and knew the solution. Now he just needed to figure out what he was going to do with this new information.

**Let me know what you think! May or may not continue, depending on what you guys think :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**To those of you who didn't want me to continue this, sorry. To those of you who did, here you go! I have to admit, this has Jenny bashing. Never was her biggest fan, especially after the Frog Fiasco. This chapter also has strong, confident Tony. Sorry if you don't agree, but it's what I'm writin!**

**I Had You On A Pedestal Chapter 2**

"Great, solved the first question only to have another one." Tony muttered to himself as he exited the elevator. "Figured out the problem, the solution, now I just need to know what to do about it." He sat down at his desk and looked around, noticing the three empty desks before him.

And when he looked at them, he remembered everything that happened. Starting from the day he first walked into the bullpen, to the present. But when he looked at Ziva's desk, all he could think of was Kate. His little sister. "Maybe I need to look at this a different way." He muttered, still looking at her desk.

So he did what Kate would do. He got up, sat in _her _seat and took a step back from all emotions and attachments, and looked at things with a profiler's point of view. And then it hit him, as if Kate were there to head slap him herself. He couldn't keep going like this, he would burn himself out if he tried. So he needed to walk away before someone got hurt, or worse.

He was jeopardizing the safety of himself, the team, and everyone else that worked at NCIS. And if there was one thing he wouldn't do, it was endanger people. And no matter how much the team hurt them, he would never risk their lives just because it was painful to leave them.

Another truth, this was partially his fault. If he had acted differently, maybe shown them his skill and then his more goofy side, they wouldn't be having this problem. They were Gibbs' team, and they always would be, but they didn't respect him anymore and he couldn't treat Gibbs like a god. So it was time to move on, and he knew it would be best for everyone.

"Thanks Katie, always looking out for me aren't you?" Tony asked smiling as he stepped out from behind her desk and went back to his own. He opened a small compartment in it and smiled brightly at a photograph of her that he kept. Pulling the photo out, he put it near his monitor and started typing, with both hands mind you!

Once he was done, he had eight freshly typed letters and printed all of them out before putting one on Gibbs' desk and walked the other one up to the director himself.

"Hey Cynthia, can the Director see me now?" Tony asked the secretary.

"Yeah, she's free right now, go on in Tony." Cynthia said giving Tony a bright smile. "We still on for that movie marathon this weekend?"

"Did they have guns in the Godfather?" Tony asked with a smile.

"You talkin to me?" She asked with a completely serious face before it broke into a smile.

Tony smiled back and knocked before going inside. When Cynthia had first started working at NCIS, she got lost every time she stepped outside of her office. So Tony had acted as a guide for her when he wasn't working, and they just hit it off. He wasn't dating her or anything, they were just friends and besides, she loved movies almost as much as he did. Almost.

"What can I do for you Agent DiNozzo?" The director asked as soon as he walked in.

"I have something for you, Director." Tony said handing over his envelope and turning to leave.

"Why don't you sit and wait until I'm finished reading it?" She suggested even though it was clearly an order.

Tony nodded and sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk, watching her with expressionless eyes.

She skimmed through the paper quickly, and couldn't hide her shock once she had finished reading it. "You can't honestly expect me to accept this." She said laying the paper down and purposefully blanking her expression.

"Actually, ma'am, you don't have much of a say in the matter. The MCRT and I no longer work well together, and I will not be a liability to that team." Tony answered calmly.

"And what makes you think you can leave?" She asked, her face darkening. "Do you honestly think that you'll be able to get a job anywhere else? What law enforcement agency could possibly want to hire a man who can't even do his _job, _let alone an undercover assignment?" She asked coldly.

"Well, truthfully, I've received multiple job offers, despite your best efforts to keep them from me." He said sternly, his voice gaining the slightest edge as his eyes darkened slightly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She scoffed lightly, turning back to her computer as a way of dismissal.

"Oh no you don't, not this time _Jen_." Tony said, purposely using the nickname that Gibbs used for her. And by the snap of her head and the stormy look on her face, he had achieved the desired reaction. "I know about the Rota position and all the others, and I must admit that you're not as good at hiding things as you think you are. Now I suggest you accept my resignation, because if you don't I can easily take you down." Tony threatened in a deadly quiet voice.

"You don't have the balls." She ground out, standing from behind her desk to try and tower over him.

"Do you really want to risk it though?" He asked also standing, but in a much calmer manner. "What's been done is done, and while it can't be changed, consequences can still be given. You can't push me around anymore Director, I won't allow it. Now I suggest you let this go and put my resignation in, and let me leave unscathed, or you go down flaming. You're not the only one who knows powerful people. You go your way and I go mine, deal?" He asked extending his hand.

She gave him a scathing look but he refused to back down, and stared back into her furious eyes calmly.

"Deal." She finally growled, slapping his hand away and returning to her seat. "I want you out of here as soon as possible."

"But of course." Tony said giving a slight bow with an infuriating smirk on his face. After all, he wouldn't be him if he still couldn't piss people off with the best of them.

His smile widened as her face got darker, and he walked out before she could get another word in. "I think we need to put a rein check on that movie marathon." Tony told Cynthia as soon as he had closed the director's door.

"After what I just heard, gladly. I hope that you'll be happy, wherever it is that you end up." She finished quietly.

Tony gave her a small smile and a grateful nod before leaving her office and going to his desk to pack up his things.

It had only taken about twenty minutes to clean out his desk, and by the time he reached the bottom right drawer, he didn't know what to do. Finally willing his arms to work, he reached down and opened the drawer that held all of Gibbs' medals. It hurt remembering what things used to be like, and he almost broke his resolve of leaving just so that he could still be near his family. But then he saw Kate's picture of the two of them together, he knew that he seriously needed to leave and he couldn't quit now. Well, couldn't quit quitting his job, if that makes any sense.

So he stood soundlessly and placed Gibbs' medals on his desk before grabbing his things and walking out of the bullpen for the last time. Stepping onto the elevator, he smiled at all of the fond memories following him.

He was going to remember this place for the great experiences and good times spent with friends, not the bad memories. He smiled as he looked at his desk one more time, and let the prospect of a new adventure sink in.

**Review, tell me what you think and let me know if you want me to continue, it's up to you guys :)**


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